Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Nothing Trumps the Light

Often times we hold ourselves back from expressing the depths of who we are because we're afraid of what people may think. We hide tragic events from our past and try to live on as if it never happened. We teach ourselves secrecy because we think we'll be put to shame. Or, we tend to speculate that others may think differently about us, look down at us and even change their view about who they think we are and ought to be. The shame behind it all is that we tend to think that we are the only one in the world dealing with our dilemma and that no one else would be open to understand. Did you know that it takes more energy to conceal a matter than it does to let it go? It may be a secret to you, but somebody somewhere is experiencing the same thing you are, and they wish for freedom. Secrets are painful because we tend to nurse them by ourselves and internally. They become raw, extreme and sensitive wounds we won't allow to heal because we're afraid to voice them or even shine light on them. Fact is, Secrets need darkness in order to grow, and we've got to work hard to shed light on the things that need to fester in the dark. I John says that God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all. Light deteriorates the make-up of a secret because it penetrates and exposes everything it touches. Light allows you and others to see hidden things (secrets) more clearly and without question. Learn to show people your wounds. Don't think for a minute that what you're going through is specifically your personal burden to carry; it's not. Showing and shedding light on your pain and allowing God to heal you is like handing someone else the master keys to unlock the same door you just traveled through. Not only that, but you allow your burden to be lifted as well. Jesus dwells in light. One thing I am certain of; when you share the details, wounds, secrets of your life, when you expose what used to be in the dark, you begin to heal not only yourself but those around you. Don't lick your wounds; expose them.

Monday, April 27, 2009

god of the coffee bean

Saturday, I was 1 of 3 featured performers for an Arts Cafe' Jazz series night in Virginia Beach. The night was amazing! Below is one of the spoken word pieces I wrote and performed called, "Starbux." I had a lot of fun with this one, and I just wanted to share... Enjoy!


6am, and I am in search of you
mouth dry, heart pounding - sounding like a drumline
I make a b-line like a tornado towards the kitchen

I pull out the canister, hyped about smelling your roasted flavor
ready to savor what I'm addicted to e-v-e-r-y morning

But, wait! Somethings not right!
The coffee canister is empty - but I thought I filled it last night!
I'm a 6am-early morning-coffee-drama-queen
The worst I've seen, and now this drama is about to lose its star actress
and so, I leave the kitchen and put on my best dress
I hop in my car ready to express - my love to Starbux
And to my surprise, the Starbux 'open' sign beamed brighter than the McArches across the street
Oh! I could not wait to jump out of my car
The, pitter-patter of little feet
Ready to meet, my first cup of the day
I, rush inside all starry-eyed, staring at the menu
"Oh, what to do! Oh what to do!" I exclaimed
Giving Starbux way too much fame
Jumping up and down, worshiping the name of "the god of the coffee bean"
Doesn't matter if its Seattle Coffee, Starbux or Gloria Jean
I was making one, big, hug, unbelievably embarrassing scene - right there in Starbux
Good morning...
6 am, and I am desperate, hungry and in search of You
Mouth dry, heart pounding, sounding like a drumline
I, make a b-line like a tornado towards Your word
I pull out my Bible - hyped about giving You glory
Couldn't wait to wake up this morning to read and study your story
I'm addicted to You
I, need Your spirit in my blood stream
No, early morning haettas - no Starbux or Gloria Jean
No fits and rants about coffee - no feining for the caffeine
You mean more to me than an early morning drip from "the god of the coffee bean"
Because, if I can wake up early to get my coffee
surely, I can wake up early to worship You
I can put on my best dress for you
I can exclaim your name and get hyped about your fame
I can jump up and down and worship the giver and not the gift
and surely, I mean surely... even if I wake up late
I'm almost positive that "the god of the coffee bean" and even Starbux, can wait.
Good morning.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

I Will Follow You

John 10:27: "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me."

I was at lunch with a few friends this afternoon, and while they chatted about the present subject, I drifted off (which I often do) with my own thoughts and wondering eyes. As I sat against the wall, I noticed a father come into the restaurant with his son. The son could not have been more than 2 or 3 years-old, and he was clinging to his father's calf for dear life. It was funny. That little boy was so cute because he wore the coolest pair of neon green little-kid-shades I have ever seen, and his hair was light blond, spiked and looked like a Mohawk. So cute.

Anyway, as the father and son moved through the restaurant, the father began to pick up pace, and with each stride, his son lagged further and further behind. The father never looked back because I'm assuming he
knew that his son followed close behind, and the son never lost sight of his father no matter how far ahead he was. What touched me in this moment was while the father was getting ready to take his seat, the son put his head down for a split second, looked up again and realized that he lost sight of his father. After realizing he was lost, the son stopped, started looking around and then began crying. Before the father took his seat, he quickly turned around at the sound of his son's voice, ran to where he was and picked him up - carrying him the rest of the way to the table. When the father picked his son up, he immediately stopped crying, and everything seemed to be back to normal. Why? The son saw his father again, and he was safe in his father's arms.

I don't ever want to lose sight of my heavenly father. I don't ever want to look away for a moment, get lost and then try to figure out how to get back on the right path. It's too costly. But, God loves us so much that even if we get lost, He'll come running to our rescue the minute we cry out to Him. He'll even carry us until we're able to walk ourselves.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Favorite Kid Quote of The Day

"Hi auntie Terri! You're so precious. So, what did you do for God today?"

My 4-year-old niece, Dajeah

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Go. I Dare You.

i had a meeting with myself and a counseling session with God. by the time i finished, this is what i got.

right now, your heart's racing, pulsating through your chest. you can feel your adrenaline kick in every time you think about it. run. it brings you to tears. cry. until you can't anymore. then, when you're ready: jump. give your life away. get out of the driver's seat. love. forgive. live inside out. share the testimony. put your confidence in Him. move. say it. be it. do it. write it. sing it. create it. build it. buy it. drive there. be there. publish it. change addresses. go to that country. ask it. pray it. journal it. walk it out. run that marathon. lose the weight. meet the challenge. lead. venture out. speak. plan it.

go. i dare you.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Just Release

It takes a lot for me to cry. I don't know where I got it from, but I'm the type of person who will hold back tears until they absolutely have to fall. It doesn't mean that I'm emotionless, it just means that I need to learn to release. "Just release, Terri," is what I told myself today. . . For about three days now, I've been walking around with heavy eyelids; like I carried the weight of the world on my eyelids - ready to spill at any moment. So, I've been running to spend more and more time with Jesus these past few days, and each time I meet Him, I never want to leave.

Today, I released. I was driving home from work and listening to a worship song by Rick Pino called "Gorgeous Face," and I could feel the weight of not releasing. And, as soon as I walked inside my house, wham! In His presence is where it all came out. Ever felt the sensation of cold water passing through your body when you're really, really thirsty? That's how I felt when I released my tears in the presence of my Father. Only this time, I released more than tears. Right there on the floor was every concern I cared about, every fear, every care, every desire, every insecurity, every moment of my day, every thought, every word, every question, every doubt, every anxious moment. Everything lay right there, released. Everything.

I was reminded of Romans 8:26, "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." ...too deep for words. That's exactly how I felt while lying on the floor crying, releasing. I had no words, but I was confident that the Holy Spirit burned me with pure love and interceded on my behalf. He dug deep and communicated something in prayer beyond what I could understand. And you know what? We need that. Sometimes God wants to get us to a place where we're not carrying a bunch of stuff. He wants us to get in His presence, stay there and release. Cry. Even if you have to go into the "ugly cry," get it out. Leave it there, and trust Him enough to allow Him to take it. Let it go. Stop carrying stuff. We weren't created to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, much less our eyelids!

Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to Me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and Learn from Me for I am GENTLE and LOWLY in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


...something i wrote and performed for the young adult ministry at my church.


us oh God and enlarge our tents

Holy is your name above the firmament
Awaken us oh God and pour out your fire
Burn within us your purpose and desire
Awaken us oh Lord and loose life’s chains
Burn the core of me so only YOU remain
You rule the swelling of the sea when it waves over me
Keeping my spirit, soul and mind where it needs to be
All wrapped up in your identity
Awaken your truth, and shake us with your testaments
We’re walking out of darkness and conquering all pestilence
And, awaken those of us who may be sleeping
And reaping the consequences…
Keep teaching us your purpose
Keep feeding us your bread
Dramatically and radically change our lives
Do exactly what you’ve said
Awaken my soul – strengthen your spirit within me
Awaken your song – wherever your praise is needed, Lord send me
And, awake us to repentance
Your mercy saving us from death’s sentence
You are Awesome, You are Mighty, You are Praise
You are Worship, You are Love, You are Hal-le-lujah
You aren’t anything less – but righteousness
Awaken us to a life of passion

by me,

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Praise HIM!

photo by terrilashae photography
(that's me!)

Friday, April 10, 2009


I've been listening to the same song for about two hours now; a worship song called "Take Me"by my new favorite band Worth Dying For. This song is so good... caused me to reflect on how much I LOVE JESUS. The thought makes my heart burn and want to jump out of my chest - to the point of tears. Yeah, that much.

it wants to mirror you, reflect the light cast from your being
it wants to follow you, be the object your eyes are seeing
its broken and totally in love with you
it once was old and now its new
its emptied of itself because it chooses to be
its awakened, longing and yearning for your eternity
it doesn't want anything left but the certainty
that everything it does is for your glory, praise brought to your name
its a new heart and its never the same

Sunday, April 5, 2009


2 Timothy 4:2 "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction."

I had a dream this morning that I was at a house party with a few friends; a Christian, someone just trying to be a light in a dark place. I spent most of the night walking through the crowd, praying under my breath and trying to make small talk about Jesus Christ with only the people I knew (in the dream, I rarely walked up to the people I didn't know - just the people I knew). After a few hours or so, I decided to leave, so I grabbed my coat and walked out of the front door. "Oops," I thought. "I forgot something." So, I turned around and walked back inside to where the party was. About 3 minutes later, a man came in with a gun. He pulled it out on me, pointed to my head, and I immediately became paralyzed. I put my hands up and BANG! I got shot. In the next phase of the dream, I'm laying on the ground with this burning sensation all over my body. My eyes were closed, and I could hear the commotion of those trying to scramble for safety as this man began shooting random people. I lay there on the ground and the only thing I kept saying was, "Jesus, save me. If You save my life, if You get me out of this alive, healthy and whole, I promise that I will be so sold out and on fire for You." Because for a split second, I questioned whether or not I was going to heaven, so I kept repeating that statement over and over and over again. And, right before I woke up from the dream, I heard His voice say, "Don't wait until a tragic situation happens before you decide to give your whole life to me. Don't be a closet Christian. Don't be afraid to pursue the lost. Don't wait. Do it now."

I woke up with tears in my eyes because I believe God used this dream to speak to this generation. The enemy comes to kill, steal and to destroy. I believe God used this dream to CHALLENGE and to make a point about complacency. Sometimes we can get so complacent in our walk with Christ that we overlook certain things. We don't rebuke with patience and careful instruction, and we don't ENCOURAGE. We don't make it a habit to stay in God's word in order to be strengthened and filled up. In our walks with Christ, it's time to get/be AGGRESSIVE about kingdom things and about HIS VISION; about going after the lost; going where they are and not being afraid to make Christ known.

I had another dream the other day that a girl was being attacked by a man possessed with an evil spirit. The man was coming straight at the girl with full force until I jumped in front of her. In the dream, I jumped in front of the girl, grabbed a Bible and started hitting the man as hard as I could with the Bible. With every blow I made with the Bible in my hand, I noticed that wounds were being inflicted on the possessed man. However, after a period of time, the wounds began to close, almost as if the man was self-healing, and then he lunged at the girl, again. I remember saying to myself, "God, why aren't my actions stopping this man from attacking us?" After I asked that question, I took that same Bible I used to hit the possessed man, and I began tearing pages out of it and then eating the pages. As the man lunged toward us, I ate page after page. With every page I ate, immediately large wounds were being inflicted on the man - wounds he could not recover from. With every page I ate, our attacker was pushed back by an unseen force and completely defeated. But, none of that happened until I consumed the Bible, literally.

WHAT ARE YOU EATING? Ever heard that statement: You are what you eat? It's true. What you consume day in and day out will slowly become apart of your character and even morals. When you find yourself in a tough situation, what you've consumed is what will come out of you in your response to that situation. What you taste regularly, WHAT YOU EAT CONTINUALLY - is who you are.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

HIS Touch

"He Touched Me"

he wants all of me
my bags, my fears, lies, sins, disguise
he wants it all

and after i touched Him
after i crawled and bawled
and screamed and scraped
i got to enter into His gates
because i touched Him

me, the woman with the issues
more issues than a subscription
with struggles that have become an addiction
me, the woman with the issues
the woman who's been abused
the one confused, battered and broken
the one judged by the out-spoken
i was transformed and changed
because i touched Him

i was an outcast because
i had done things
and i was bleeding
needing someone to stop my hemorrhage
someone to see my true image
spirit, soul and body
i've embodied my many issues
and i, touched Him

He saw me all along
He knew i was coming
to draw virtue from His garment
He knew i'd arrive on my knees
in thee most humbled of positions
and, as i transitioned from my knees to His lap
He began to tell me
who I am
He said

daughter of the Most High
I knew you before the ages
rise up and take your place
you don't belong in these cages
you were created in My image
anything less is outrageous
you are beautiful
you are esteemed
I have not forgotten you
you are redeemed
and you walk with My breath in your lungs

then He, touched me
He touched my identity crisis
He took death's license
and revoked every attack on my life
death is over
rejection, over
fear is over
shame is over
guilt, over
low-self esteem is over
abuse, over

Lord, because You have touched me
I am made new
my mind, my body, my spirit
all wrapped up and around and inside and through You

because You touched me.


Friday, April 3, 2009

Who Can You "Out Honor?"

Romans 12:10 says, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor...."

I was talking with a friend the other day about just "doin' life" with your friends. The things she said to me were eye-opening because she spoke about "out honoring" others, or "out serving" them. I remember asking her, "What does that mean to you?" And, she told me that she wanted to be the first to fill a need - "see a need and fill," she says. To do random acts of kindness or give support when needed or fulfill someone's love language if it's in your power to do so. . . Truly, it's a concept of working to be self-less instead of selfish. Living life for others, giving freely of yourself.

My friend started giving me fun and funny examples of how she and a close friend compete with each other to see who can "out honor" or "out serve" the other. This spoke volumes to me because she's placed herself in a position to always be mindful of being a servant. She shows her friends and loved ones how much they mean to her by honoring them, continually. "Wow," I thought. What my friend spoke about tugged on my heartstrings a bit and I began to wonder of who I could run to to help fulfill a need? Do I truly go through my day looking for ways and reasons to serve others? Who can I "out honor" today?

In the business of just 'doin life' with the people around you, be sure to look for ways to serve them, meet a need and to honor them, daily.