It takes a lot for me to cry. I don't know where I got it from, but I'm the type of person who will hold back tears until they absolutely have to fall. It doesn't mean that I'm emotionless, it just means that I need to learn to release. "Just release, Terri," is what I told myself today. . . For about three days now, I've been walking around with heavy eyelids; like I carried the weight of the world on my eyelids - ready to spill at any moment. So, I've been running to spend more and more time with Jesus these past few days, and each time I meet Him, I never want to leave.
Today, I released. I was driving home from work and listening to a worship song by Rick Pino called "Gorgeous Face," and I could feel the weight of not releasing. And, as soon as I walked inside my house, wham! In His presence is where it all came out. Ever felt the sensation of cold water passing through your body when you're really, really thirsty? That's how I felt when I released my tears in the presence of my Father. Only this time, I released more than tears. Right there on the floor was every concern I cared about, every fear, every care, every desire, every insecurity, every moment of my day, every thought, every word, every question, every doubt, every anxious moment. Everything lay right there, released. Everything.
I was reminded of Romans 8:26, "In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words." ...too deep for words. That's exactly how I felt while lying on the floor crying, releasing. I had no words, but I was confident that the Holy Spirit burned me with pure love and interceded on my behalf. He dug deep and communicated something in prayer beyond what I could understand. And you know what? We need that. Sometimes God wants to get us to a place where we're not carrying a bunch of stuff. He wants us to get in His presence, stay there and release. Cry. Even if you have to go into the "ugly cry," get it out. Leave it there, and trust Him enough to allow Him to take it. Let it go. Stop carrying stuff. We weren't created to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, much less our eyelids!
Matthew 11:28-30, "Come to Me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and Learn from Me for I am GENTLE and LOWLY in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light."